Sunday, December 11, 2011
Is It Wrong To Bigoted Against Bigots?
Is it just as wrong to be bigoted against somebody because they hold oppressive beliefs as it is to be bigoted against someone for their race or gender? I thought of this during our discussion in class on Thursday. I personally don't think I would knowingly befriend someone who was violently misogynistic. Not only would I probably not have much in common with this person, but it would be dangerous for me to befriend this person. Similarly, I'm guessing most black people wouldn't want to be friends with a KKK member. Again, this is dangerous for them. Maybe we can be friends with people who hold prejudices against other groups (such as white nonracist people befriending KKK members, or men befriending misogynists), but I still don't like the idea of that. To me, being oppressive is not a flaw that I can look past. It's pretty much a dealbreaker and I don't think I'm a bigot because of that.
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I think you wisely point something out: that is is quite possible to befriend a bigot who is not bigoted against people who look like you. This does assume a certain level of white/male/heterosexual privilege - it would be nearly impossible, not to mention extremely dangerous, for a black person to befriend a KKK member, or for a woman to befriend a violent misogynist.
ReplyDeleteBut there is a spectrum of bias, and not everyone is on the level of a KKK member or a rapist/batterer. There are many more people who carry around a certain amount of unquestioned bigotry. Should we then ignore them and only befriend people whose political/social ideals look like ours? Additionally, we may be losing out on the opportunity to enlighten well-meaning people with unquestioned biases.
One example that comes to mind is a male friend of mine who was quite puzzled when myself and a (female) feminist friend were offended by a line in one of his favorite books (the author stated that "rape is the most natural thing there is" - my feminist friend and myself were horrified). He suggested that she and I were merely being oversensitive. At this point I was so disgusted that I removed myself from the conversation and refused to speak to him for quite some time.
My friend, however, sat him down and spent several hours explaining why exactly she and I were so disgusted by the excerpt. She explained the way fear of rape permeates women's lives, the high percentage of women who had experienced rape, and the way that women are often blamed for the violence against them. She explained how problematic it was for rape to be considered "natural," a biological norm.
This was all an epiphany for my male friend. He now understands much more about violence against women (he and I are also on speaking terms again).
There were many features of this example that isolate it from other interactions with bigots (the close relationship between the three of us, our general agreement on significant political/social issues, and the fact that my male friend was not a serious bigot, for example), but I think it shows that it is possible - and even beneficial - to engage with people who are bigots through simple ignorance.
It is important to try and enlighten people, but that can get really exhausting (I'm sure you know that already) and I don't particularly want to spend a lot of my time with friends educating them. That seems like a weird friendship. You're right that it is a spectrum, and I'm not saying I wouldn't be friends with somebody because of one comment, but if they are generally pretty bigoted I probably wouldn't want to bother being their friend.
ReplyDeleteThere remains the possibility that we may ourselves learn something from others, even if those others are deeply flawed in their views or assumptions. There are things I dislike pretty strongly about almost all of my friends -- but how many friends would I have if I only befriended perfect people?
ReplyDeleteAnd dangerous as it may be in some sense for Blacks to befriend racists, I think a far greater danger for us all lies in isolating ourselves from those with whom we disagree, even fundamentally. Lincoln's refusal to scold, and his steadfast insistence that we remain one people, are germane here.
I wasn't suggesting only befriending perfect people. Everybody has flaws, but I'm sure we all get to a point where a certain flaw is just too awful to justify a friendship with somebody- otherwise we would be friends with everyone.
ReplyDeleteAgain, I do think it's important to educate others, but white people should be the ones to educate other white people about racism (and this can go for other forms of prejudice). I would never expect black people to go out of their way to educate ignorant white people about race.